On Being One's Self

Last night I began I Capture the Castle, by Dodie Smith. Never before have I read a book that puts into words the very thoughts I've thought myself, a book that relates to me so nearly and dearly, a book that makes me jump and laugh and dream. I felt elated by finding company in related thought and feeling. As she bathed I did, though she ate chocolate and I raspberries. As she wrote I desired to write. As she reveled in wondering for hours, I wanted more than anything to be even more myself. Am I alone in feeling sometimes as if being oneself is not acceptable? Well today I want to be who I am. Today I want to write and glow . Here's to authenticity!

Too Wonderful

"There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea four which I know not: the way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid." Proverbs 30

In my heartland there rolls on gently a vastness of soft green hills, dotted by sun and shadow, an impressionist's painting. It's a pure place and I sit among the rich green wearing a white linen dress. And He is there. Because He put himself there. He put himself there with every kind kiss, with every compassionate glance, with every late night and sweet thought. And I gave myself to him so that I live in his heartland too. We are both changed but still whole. And in our wholeness we are made new, so that even when apart we have each other still.

Knowing this, I say to Him "All is well." And He agrees so that I can breathe again and cease fearing and move on into the new but ephemeral day. And I do. With peace.

It's too wonderful, too wonderul to love someone so wholly that when apart you are closer than ever in your heartlands. Such is the way of a man with a maid.

All that Really Matters

I want to write about my brain, how it works, its complexities, its strange cycles. But even I do not understand myself. Perhaps someday I will. But I write now of what I know, those simple few things, in hopes of clearing away clouds of confusion that currently cover my heart's white sun.

I do know that I feel a presence, many times a day, that urges me to do good and feel love. It is a real, palpable feeling that comforts me and guides me. I cannot deny it, demean it, or make light of it.

I do know that I hope for Christ and a better world and a bigger heart.

I do know that deep inside we all are good and that to see the good in others is more important than pointing out the few seemingly bad characteristics one might harbor.

I do know that love is real and that it sets us free.

I do know that Joseph Smith told the truth, as I've felt a tremendous witness. And because he told the truth, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ do live. They inhabit real bodies. Their love is true and powerful. And spreading their love is all that really matters.

Here comes the sun, doo doo doo doo...

Just Finger Tips Away...

Yesterday Marc and I went to see the Imax film Mystery of the Nile. I never realized how much there is to see in this world. How many mysteries wait for my wondering. How many landscapes and monuments and ancient places await my awe and gaze. There is so much to learn, so much to do, so much to change.

How come I so easily fall into boredom, blaa moods, fear of mediocracy? Love is real and adventure is but beneath my feet. Lately I've realized that we are free to choose not only what we do but with what mood we do what we do. We can choose joy. Amazing.

Joy has already chosen us. Her hand has been stretched.

In fact I feel that joy is what the atonement offers. "In the world you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world," says Christ. And be of good cheer we must. To be happy is to accept Christ's gift.

I plan on enjoying the earth, on venturing out and spotting the miraculous that blossoms before me, just finger tips away.

For a Magical Life...

For a magical life

jump with joy every day for all the blessings you can count.

be present.

find something new to adore in something old.

eat with your eyes closed.

bless every meal with real thanks, making each sacred.

make your prayers real conversations and always remember who's on the other side.

dance like a child.

wonder over boiling water and sprouting plants.

And always laugh from the belly.

Today I feel an immense peace blanketing me. I know all is as it should be. I know I can be who I am meant to be. I know I will be who I am meant to be. It's so relieving. I'm glad to know all is well.

Meringue House!

All be damned. Wow. Everything falls into place. There are miracles to be had if in the flow of miracles we float in. I have been guided be the hand of an angel to my new home! Meringue House! All aspects have worked themselves out and I am dancing in the wake of the wonderful. OH! I cannot wait to live there.